The episode starts well enough with Butters bursting into Mr. Mackey’s computer class, where the kids are all secretly playing video games, claiming that he found vampires in school. After learning that kids are pretending to be vampires, Butter decides to avoid being grounded by becoming a vampire and thus (for some reason) ungroundable. The Goth Kids, meanwhile do anything they can to try to make preppy kids stop dressing like them so their two groups will stop being confused by adults.

I will admit to not being familiar with the Twilight franchise, but there was no biting commentary in this story. Or wild humor. It felt like the guys were tired of playing in their stacks of money and decided to go through the motions of what would be a good premise and then let someone fill in the rest. The groups war never escalates in a direct manner, Butters actions feel like an incomplete story, and the main boys are wholly absent except for a nice scene in which Vampire Butters tries to feed on a sleeping Cartman, who assumes Butters is coming onto him. Butters’ father has also lost a lot of his comedic edge by being turned into some weird angry man ready to punish Butters for anything – what happened to the man with the secret gay lifestyle or just walked by calling Butters a bad little bear?

What hurts most is that this episode serves as the finale until March, making its whimpering conclusion even more of a letdown. That’s supposed to hold us over until spring? This was a season that felt largely hollow, and while not everyone can be perfect all the time, this was a show that had built quite a legacy in the past several years. The once biting satire and gut punching seems to have turned into weak slaps in the vague direction of issues anymore. The Olympics weeks later, Indiana Jones months later, High School Musical which is such a non entity in the lives of South Park’s target audience and now a non-Twilight vampire story? Snore.

Unlike the story ending Hot Topic torching and victorious speech from the Goth Kids, I am left wondering what is going on in the South Park offices because for the first time in twelve years I’m not really counting days until 13.01.

Rating: 5

The boys are all having a typical lunch, including Cartman mocking Kenny’s ghetto lunch, when the girls burst into song and dance about being friends and always sticking together, etc, etc. When all the boys (except our 4 heroes) join them, Cartman, Kenny, Stan and Kyle are left wondering what High School Musical is. After examining the last TV movie, the boys vow to avoid this new craze and Cartman threatens to kill himself. A boy named Brighton seems to be at the center of the craze – a clear Zac Efron spoof – but in reality, he only wants to be a normal boy and play basketball. It’s his father, the hilarious Mr. Queermo, who insists that his son do him and his men’s choir proud, or else he will be beaten.

With lots of typical plot elements work, South Park looks to end their twelfth season on a high note. The boys are at their best when their still young imaginations are allowed to run wild in their small town world as well as being surrounded by their colorful and stand out classmates. Aliens and global conspiracies are put aside for the simply confusion over why some DVDs seem to be dominating all their friends’ minds. Mr. Queermo, a new flamboyant South Park resident, draws a lot of the laughs as his inexplicable fear of jocks leads him to go slap happy on his wife and son, the school teachers and even two Child Protective Services agents.

Joke highlights include Craig’s reference to the previous Peruvian based episodes as well as Cartman’s inability to kill himself due to his mother’s Hybrid car, Jimmy’s attempt to perform a solo and new character Scott Malkinson’s ability to be the gang’s punching bag. The biggest pay off, however, comes from Stan’s inability to jump into a song and dance when he eventually gives up and tries to join the fad to impress sometimes girlfriend Wendy. Supported by a background chorus, Stan is only able to muster songs along the lines of “Happy Birthday.” The idea that a bunch of teenagers, or anyone in the musical genre for that matter, can spontaneously burst into a perfectly constructed song and dance is called out by the toon tween.

This episode felt slightly less inspired than the long held back Obama episode of last week, but its refreshing to see South Park doing what it does best. It is, after all, why I am still watching religiously every Wednesday night after twelve years.

Rating: 8

Beginning where it matters most, Randy Marsh has voted for change, and he is sure excited when it comes to be. As in typical fashion, South Park is divided. The Marshs are leading the pack of Obama supporters. Across the street, Garrison, Mackey and the Stotchs are among the horribly depressed McCain supporters. As the party takes to the streets, something more sinister – in true South Park form – is occurring. Obama, McCain, Michelle and Palin are all in fact part of a club of international jewel thieves and using the election to guarantee their plan to steal the Hope Diamond will be a success. As McCain supporters take to a bomb shelter (or attempt suicide) believing the world will end, the Obama army takes to the street in epic party fashion.

So much of this episode was spot on, such a relief to be seen and heard, that I hardly know where to begin. Much like the argument against Family Guy, South Park has character based humor and jokes that come from the characters themselves instead of non-sequitor expendable jokes. Firstly, there is Randy Marsh’s drunken belief that because the world has changed, he can get drunk and tell his boss off all the while trying to hold his ever falling pants up. Cartman’s cameo as he drives by on his big wheel, revealing that he has spent the night looting everyone too drunk to notice. Mr. Stotch, seemingly level headed as always, revealing that he has built an arc for his family to use should Obama win, and thus mark the end of civilization.

As per usual, by going over the top with the “everyman” behavior and side stepping the mud slinging and satire already becoming too much to bare, Matt and Trey proved why they are worth every penny of their contracts. Much like the campaigns had you believe, the world was going to change – and possibly end – depending on who you voted for. And while the world celebrated and mourned, we all hopefully came to the conclusion that the world wasn’t going to end, its simply a turning point and the future is now wide open. Well played sirs, well played.

Rating: 10

In this episode, the boys have been sent to Peru to put an end to the flute band – only to realize they have been double-crossed. But not before they uncover a prophecy indicating Craig Tucker is the key to “the furry death.” Elsewhere, Randy can’t stop recording, ala Cloverfield, his experiences at ground zero with the guinea pig army. Can Randy saying “I’m so startled” still be funny? Can Craig’s levelheaded commentary still have the same bite? The quick answer is No.

While I have been taught never to question the thought process of the creators of the show, I am beginning to wonder if they are getting bored or apathetic. They are falling back to tried and true methods without any sense of inspired satire or metaphor. This season reads as: Cartman hates another minority, Cartman is offensive, and incoherent epic 2 part story with monsters. I wonder if they are trying to prove a point by avoiding this election season and crisis environment, which is clever. But you know what, that’s what your show is here for, we don’t see SNL avoiding politics because everyone expects them to make a Bush sketch.

This episode does have an old school feel to it, like one of the episodes from the first couple years where the kids would fight a monster (Mecha Streisand, anyone?) and then the boys would look at the “camera” and say how F%#ked up it was. But with the evolution of the show, both technically and narratively, they have outgrown these silly messages. Like The Daily Show, and unfortunately The Colbert Report, the young demographics are looking for brilliant send-ups of issues that we are not experienced or strong enough to solve ourselves. This is a show of levity and escapism.

Guinea-saurus Rex’s are cute. Butters is funny by simply waving in a time of chaos. Craig is refreshingly offering a criticism of the boy’s lifestyle. But please, with only 3 or 4 more episodes left – do something original and exciting again. Spoofing a ten month old movie and wasting 25% of your season on live action guinea pigs is not the show I want to watch.

Rating: 6.5

They start with the sensation that they are going to do one of their biting topical episodes – last time it was the Nintendo Wii coming out; this time it’s a vague global crisis in the world of South Park.

Then they insert a twist, partially fueled and acted out by Cartman – last time he froze himself so he didn’t have to wait for Wii’s release; this time he takes Craig’s money to fund a Peruvian flute band. (What?).

Then, the shit hits the fan. They go off on a wild tangent that isn’t funny at all. Last time, Cartman ended up in the future, where gophers ruled a super religious world. This time, the boys are detained at Guantanamo as a conspiracy involving possible alien activity and guinea pigs takes over the world. Plus, if that wasn’t enough, they threw in some very stale allusions to Cloverfield and Blair Witch Project.

There was just no winning story here and it pains me to have to say these things. The Peruvian band thing isn’t hilariously unexpected; its weird and there were never any good joke there. Randy, playing with his camera and documenting his family, for the first time… was not funny. And if I love anything about this show, it is Randy Marsh’s ability to throw himself passionately into a stupid cause or story and overreact.

The one real plus is that within these painful story arcs, they always give one of the secondary characters a fun plot that lets them shine. In “Pandemic,” Craig is brought into the foreground and has a recurring bit where he tells the guys that no one wants to hang out with the four of them because they always “end up in prison or outer space or something.” Craig is a character who has always been straightforward and kinda a dick, but after all these years it felt so rewarding to hear someone in their world call the boys out on how out of control their little schemes always get.

This being a two-parter, one can always hope that they will make a sharp turn into relevancy with next week’s chapter, but it doesn’t feel like it will right now. South Park is always a fun and exciting show to watch – for the most part they can do whatever they want and I’ll be there – but this is just not up to par. Here’s hoping that the crucial role Craig plays in the next episode will elevate this plot. And please, don’t make a stale Heroes joke and do a “Save the Craig, save the world…”

A failed formula and nonsensical plot points make this feel more like the quality of a late run Simpsons or even… Family Guy.

Rating: 6

In tonight’s episode, Wendy challenges Cartman to a fight after he makes an offensive joke about Breast Cancer, as any eight year old might. Cartman tries to get out of the fight, but Wendy wants blood. That’s it, plain and simple.

Wendy’s mad as hell.

Since the series debuted twelve seasons ago, the show has been controversial and exciting for one episode or another. The show’s plots are always shrouded in mystery until their airdate and the audience is left with a desperate anticipation of what are they going to do next? The one rule is that no one and no subject is safe – look at Chef’s (Isaac Hayes) abrupt departure due to the controversial Scientology episode, which was quickly followed with the character’s brutal death in the show. With 175 episodes and counting, you come to expect a biting satire on current events.

Tonight, I’d like to think that Matt and Trey took a step back and actively went un-South Park. There were no metaphors or cultural references at the heart of the story. There were no surprise twists or surreal conspiracies in the end to qualify the story. As Wendy so perfectly pointed out, week after week Cartman just gets more and more offensive and no one ever does anything. They have gone beyond their typical episode where the “kids just act like kids” (I.E. Marjorine, The List) and use the format to approach themselves. Cartman is the heart of the show, their primary vessel of satire – the big gun. Now they have turned it around on him and shown that he is, as Principal Victoria points out, the equivalent to cancer for their school.

What unsettles me the most was the dread of what was to come for the episode. I expected the twist, an offensive comment about Christina Applegate’s recent diagnosis, something “South Parky” to save myself from the brutal straightforwardness. They peppered in sure to be classic comedic moments into an otherwise intense narrative – Butters’ casual judgment of Cartman should he be beaten by a girl, Cartman eating his own underwear and later throwing it up, Cartman defecating on Mr. Garrison’s desk to get himself detention – genius.

In the end, a jaw on the floor fight finally ensues, Cartman of course getting served hard by Wendy. Bloody pulp, a tooth knocked out, Raging Bull, served. But then he gets up, convinces himself that all the guys still like him and literally skips off, grateful. There is no stopping Eric Cartman, and while I am still very confused, I hope nothing ever will.

The institution of South Park keeps one upping itself, and I am grateful that I get to be a part of it, week after week, after all these years.

Rating: 7.5

The episode itself was running on all cylinders. It is clear that Cartman and Butters (as well as Randy Marsh) are the writer’s favorite vessels, and tonight was no different. Cartman recruits Butters, who was preoccupied playing bath, to help him in the war to protect America from China’s increasing technology and power.

In a parallel story, Kyle, Stan and the rest of the boys are all haunted by the memories of seeing someone they cared about brutally attacked. Initially (and pitch perfectly) I was so taken aback by this that I sat there trying to think if I had missed an episode or forgotten a recent storyline in which someone got hurt. Just when I couldn’t take it anymore, the reveal – the boys all saw Steven Spielberg and George Lucas rape the concept of Indiana Jones with their recent Crystal Skull movie.
South Park is a show that always resonates most when they blend the melodramatic reactions and interpretations of the boys with adult issues. That particular innocence and naivety of being a nine year old boy, still interested in playing pretend than liking girls or being the most popular is their best hook. Recall Cartman’s recent desire to be able to swear, so he fakes Tourette’s and somehow ends up addressing Chris Hansen and the To Catch a Predator conspiracies? Or, Stan’s infamous encounter with Scientology when he tries to have fun one afternoon without spending any money?

The episode has its highlights: Cartman saying the word “Dick” repeatedly – which by the use of and quantity of times, I assume means something with the FCC has changed, Cartman and Butters dressing up as Chinese stereotypes and going covert into a PF Chang’s, the graphic, Deliverance style rape scenes of Indiana Jones, and perhaps most of all, the still lingering pains of Star Wars, seen through the raping of a Stormtrooper.

By the end, the episode ultimately failed to live up to its built-in potential. Cartman and Butters had held up a restaurant, taken hostages, and shot three men in their respective crotches. Cartman was ready to go national, again, with his war on the Chinese. But the plots intertwined, and the costumed terrorists were able to simply walk away, when the cops too began to cry over the memories of Indiana Jones being raped. So much was left to explore with both subjects, and yet, it just kinda faded out in what felt like should have been the midpoint of an episode. Still, South Park is better than every other comedy, especially animated, on television.

Rating: 8